Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a great one!
My New Year started off a little rocky. I caught some terrible cold and my voice is all but gone and my whole body is sore from coughing and sneezing. Basically, I spent it in my bed, sleep-texting a friend who also stayed in, and was fast asleep by 11 pm. I woke up 1 minute before midnight to hear neighbors counting down, “9, 8, 7….” and at midnight everyone set off fireworks in my neighborhood or at the Mission Inn. I’m not sure, I just rolled over and went back to sleep.
Beginning on January 5th, I will be doing my first fast. I am very excited and a little scared but I think it will be a great spiritual “reset” that I need at this time in my life.
When I moved out of my parents house last year for maybe the 5th time (haha) I was really excited about having my own apartment. Previously, when I had an apartment I was with my boyfriend and not really “on my own.” But this time was different. I had all my own furniture in there, utilities were in MY name, I paid the rent personally, no more asking mommy and daddy for help. I brought one of my dogs and paid a deposit like an adult, instead of leaving them with my parents to take care of in case “things didn’t work out” at my new place.
It was all good and fine, I was proud of myself to be a self-sustaining individual. Everything was like an “adult” should have it except….well, I didn’t have a refrigerator.
Actually, I lived without a refrigerator for about 4 months after moving into my apartment. My boss even found a couple of refrigerators from friends/clients that would sell one to me cheap and I would casually dismiss it and figure since I’d been living without a refrigerator for this long, I can hack it without one. Plus, having to coordinate someone taking it to my house and moving it into my tiny apartment just seemed like a headache. Sure, I missed a couple of things about having a refrigerator. Cold water, ice cubes, almond milk…. But I really just made do without one.
Finally, my boss basically almost practically gave me a refrigerator for free. I mean, it was a nice newer fridge at an extremely reasonable price, and he offered to have one of our maintenance guys pick it up and drop it off at my apartment. I felt rude (and stupid) to reject this offer so I started to get excited about having a refrigerator. When I went and saw it, it wasn’t the right size and it would not fit in my studio apartment. It was a bummer. But now that I had gotten so excited about having a fridge, I set some money aside and paid for one to be delivered to my apartment that same week.
Now I look back at those first months of moving out and think, “How did I live without a refrigerator for so long??”
As I look at my past year, I am excited for a new year. Although I was raised Catholic and was very involved with the church when I was younger, I, of course, lost sight of Jesus for a large chunk of my early adult life. And now I think about it and I go, “How did I live without Jesus for so long?”
Reading the Bible and listening to messages and going to church and learning and growing in my faith has become such a daily enveloping thing that it is hard to imagine that I lived without it. I now face struggles and challenges in a completely different light than I did before. Before, it was all about me, me, me. Now, it is about Him, Him, Him.
In all my struggles and joys, it is about Him.
This is not to say I am perfect because I definitely still have my struggles but I have been learning to turn to prayer to figure out with God “Why did I do that? What should I do?” And God always listens. And God always politely tells me I’m an idiot and need to work on being less of one. 🙂
But I still am and will continue to be probably, but I know that my strength in faith and God’s love for me will turn the worst and the best of this year into blessings all the same.
So as I start my fast, I will document my spiritual trials, tribulations, and triumphs as God lays them before me. If anyone else out there will be doing a fast, please let me know! I would like some comradery in this otherwise very personal and private journey.
Has fasting brought you closer to the Lord?