I had a bit of “altercation” with a woman regarding my ex-boyfriend almost two months ago, in the midst of his and my madness. Needless to say, it wasn’t productive. I don’t know the woman, all I know is that I was being manipulated by my ex to feel insecure and instead of being smart and secure in myself, I took it all out of this girl.
I apologized to her lately and really meant it. She has no idea if I’m a nice person or not and its really none of my business if she does. All I know is that I let go of the resentment I had of her. Of course, she was skeptical. She made it pretty obvious to me and my ex-boyfriend that she dubious of my authenticity and that I was trying to cause more harm than good with my apology. I couldn’t press the issue any more because I really understood where she was coming from. I had made my bed and now I was to lay in it. The only way to settle things would be to slowly but surely gain some kind of trust with her by not being a jerk to her.
Well, things went from bad to worse when she found out my ex and I were on amicable terms. Things got insane. For two people who don’t know anything about each other, she definitely did not like me in her life or something. Needless to saaaay…. my ex and I became verbal punching bags for her.
It is hurtful to me that in the course of a few days, a well-meaning apology turned into a full blown text mess and Facebook drama. Afterwards, I thought to myself, did you really need to say anything? Who cares if some stranger in another state thinks if I’m a bad person? WHO CARES?
I care that I acted in such an un-Christian-like (that is not a word, is it?) manner to someone I don’t know. Who knows what struggles she’s facing herself? I know she must be facing something. Her reaction to me probably had something to do with me, but I think it had more to do with what was in her heart. I think I just agitated whatever is going on in her life right now. Happy people don’t reject apologies, they just move on. And instead of agitating the situation more, I should have just asked God for forgiveness because that’s who really matters in this picture.
I forget sometimes how easy it is to get caught up in the mess of this world. I also forget sometimes that I just need to focus on the Lord, instead. So that’s where I’m at.
My heart still wishes nothing but the best for her, after all she is my sister in this world. But at the end of the day, I only have the Lord to answer to and I really need to start saying that.