Learning to be Grateful When You Hate Everything

I had a really bad day today. “Really Bad.” I don’t know who can define that because I certainly can’t. I felt like it was a tough day but I know in reality, I have way more to be grateful for than not.

My day fluctuated between a stressful work day to stressful life changing decisions day to a broken nail and finding a crack in my eyeglasses.

I don’t know how I got the crack in my glasses. I know its not just a scratch though, they are very obviously cracked in the lens and that bums me out because I don’t any money right now to afford a new pair. These glasses have hardly been worn before these past couple of months when my disposable contact lenses just got really bad, so bad I can’t even see out one of them. But again, I don’t really have enough money to afford an eye exam and get new contacts. So I’ve been wearing my glasses.

I’d been having a pretty not-great day and I stood in the mirror looking at myself through these glasses trying to hype myself up, give myself some positivity, tell myself that God will make sure everything is OK. Then I noticed this weird line extend across the lens of my glasses. I took off my glasses and tried to wipe it off. It didn’t come off. I thought maybe it was just a scratch. I ran my fingernail across it and realized it was actually cracked through the lens. Great, I thought. JUST GREAT.

I added the crack to the rest of my list of things to be agitated about today. Then I realized, ummm, I’ve been wearing these all night without realizing it.

Sometimes, I think we get so caught up in the cosmetic superficial inconveniences that we don’t realize that they don’t really affect us. Yeah, my glasses have a crack in them but I can still see through them and not even notice the crack at all. I only noticed it because I was staring at myself in the mirror!

How many times do we live life happily until someone tells us something is wrong with our lives. Sometimes there are definitely things we should be changing. But sometimes its just like, your opinion, man. I make it through my day the way I can and it works for me.

I have this amazing boyfriend that lets me vent and listens to me and gives me support whether I’m being a baby or not.  He’s incredibly loving throughout all my neurosis and totally patient and insightful. I have my parents that know exactly what to say to put things into perspective whether I’m right or wrong, they’ll present the bigger picture to me so I can figure it out in my own reality.

Sometimes I’m the crack in my own lens, sometimes I’m the negative in an otherwise positive situation. Maybe that crack in my lens is just an evil crack and wants to ruin my day, but hey I can still see out of my glasses to appreciate the bigger things in life.

“Attitude is everything” my dad would always tell me.

And its true.

Why am I going to focus on one negative thing when so many other things are SO BEAUTIFUL AND GOOD.

I think it was the great Nicki Minaj (haha) that said, “No, I’m not lucky I’m blessed, yes.”

YES.

Also, I want to give Coppola a public apology for yelling at him today. I think I stressed him out on the way to my parents house this evening and he ended up peeing on my parents’ new couch when we arrived. I got mad and threw him outside in the cold rain. I am not proud. My parents weren’t even upset, just a little inconvenienced to have to clean it even though I offered to clean. And when Coppola was let back in he gave me sad eyes and I still yelled at him. By the way, he’s super well behaved so this behavior was out of character and I didn’t even give him a break! He’s getting so old. I found another white whisker on him last night. Imagine if he died tomorrow and that was the last thing he remembers me by, me yelling at him!

Imagine the last person you were mean to. How would you feel if they were gone tomorrow? Was your pride or anger worth it?

Sorry, Coppola. You (and Cashew) are the best dogs a girl could ask for.

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