Remember that one time Netflix tried to change……

….and everyone got mad? That’s kind of how I feel about my church right now. I guess as a Christian this is my first real “whoa, whoa, I don’t know how I feel about this” moment at this church I go to, The Rock in San Diego. After all, part of the reason I was so gung-ho about moving down to San Diego was that I’d be closer to it and could be more involved, and now all of a sudden they’re switching everything up on me.

I don’t consider myself a “professional” Christian. Like, I can’t really recite Bible verses in any given situation, I don’t really have a strong conviction as far as what other people should be doing with their lives, I don’t have NOTW bumper stickers on my car, I refer to the Table of Contents to find stuff, I’m averse to most Christian music, and I’m definitely still learning everything about how to be non-embarrassing to Jesus. Like, I am still learning to be a legit person so that when I die, I don’t show up at them pearly gates and Jesus is all embarrassed of me, having to explain to his Dad that yeah I am a Christian and yeah, I am that girl that got super embarrassing black out wasted back in ’09, crashed her car, and woke up with her head in a bag of Cheetos. Like, I’m still learning, OK?
So that’s why when my church is challenging me, amateur-Christian me, to open my mind to the power of the Holy Spirit providing healing and that I could actually perform these healing miracles for the low-low rate of over $100 to the Kingdom Foundation to “impart” this knowledge for an hour, I get a lil skeptical.
Let me clarify: I have no question that the Holy Spirit can heal. It’s healed my spirit, my relationships, my soul. Its healed my brain, my depression, my anxiety. The Holy Spirit has swooped in and saved me when I was for sure that all was lost and that I’d be in a pit of despair forever…. alone.
My issue is that this foundation seems to insinuate that the Holy Spirit can be controlled and manipulated by man to our liking, for a profit. And then they claim that the Holy Spirit really does come and manifest itself as uncontrollable laughter, falling, speaking in tongues, among the congregation. (I don’t know God’s ways but I always liked to imagine the Holy Spirit a little classier, like it wouldn’t make us look like spazzes rolling around on the floor to show the Holy Spirit is around…)

 I totally get that Pastor Miles is like, “Go beyond your expectations, don’t limit Jesus and the Holy Spirit to your expectations because then you’re believing in a lesser God and idolizing instead of believing, keep an open mind” and the last thing I want to do is underestimate the power of God. In fact, I don’t. I totally know that everything is possible. One of those possibilities is that I don’t understand even a smidgen of what God does and for what reason. Another possibility is that he would let an awesome, charismatic Pastor of a large church fall victim to evil. Its all totes possible

All I can do, for myself, is pray and talk to God, and I’m going to check out the healing sessions. I am going to go, with an open mind, experience what happens, learn about Randy Clark, have faith that this is all happening for a reason, pray that Miles doesn’t leave the Rock Church, pray that the Rock Church doesn’t leave him, and pray that I never eat that many Cheetos in front of Jesus again.