I feel like going to a bar and getting wasted.
And going to the gym and getting super fit.
And then laying on the floor of my bedroom staring at the ceiling and getting depressed.
Those three things would adequately comfort me at this time.
The frustrating thing about being frustrated these days is that I know it has a lot more to do with me than whatever I’m frustrated at. Its a reflection of my own inadequacies, my own insecurities, my own self-doubt, my own jealousies, my own craziness about wanting to do better and be better and not liking anyone that’s better than me.
The even more frustrating part is that I reflect on the fact that I’m not “really” that kind of person. Like, I don’t hold grudges. I don’t legitimately hate anyone. I’m totally happy and cheer for other people’s success, I DO.
And then I feel like even more of an a-hole because I have totally everything to be happy for! An amazing God, an awesome family, a fantastic boyfriend, a great job, sweet roommates, MY LIFE. How on earth can anyone dismiss the things they have for things they don’t have, like oh em gee.
So then I get frustrated that I’m even frustrated.
I am using this experience to not be a spoiled brat for once, and not to sit and pout, and to just be gracious and learn from this. It gives me new goals to accomplish, new things to work on, new dreams to achieve.
PS: Shout out to God for answering one of my prayers in the absolute funniest ways possible. Sometimes you get exactly what you ask for and its never how you imagined. Lesson learned. #Godknowsbest #tasteofmyownmedicine
Then I’m all: