I’m really good at giving unsolicited advice. If I were me and I was someone else, I’d tell me: If you need support, just ask for it.
Just ask for it, Vanessa. Don’t threaten others to get it, especially, maybe, totally not your mom on Mother’s Day.
As some of you may know, my dad’s health is in a bit of disarray at the moment. He’s having issues with his feet and as a family, we do what we do best and come together to help him as haphazardly as we can. We are new. We are not nurses, and quite frankly, we really aren’t that educated in healthcare. So far, I’m really impressed with how my sister, mom, and I have handled everything.
The reason I say that, is because we are dealing with slightly more graphic parts of health issues.
Umm…. What I’m really saying is that my dad is losing his toes and we don’t know when or how.
WHAT?! USE YOUR WORDS, VANESSA!
Okay, dad’s got gangrene and his toes are basically necrophied, or dying, but are still attached to his body. When we ask the doctors if we can take them off, they basically said that he’ll just shed his toes. Shed them, guys. Toes. Shedding toes.
So my sister and I are like, not nurses (I think I’ve made that clear by now.) My sister makes arts and crafts in her spare time and I like to write in this blog. We used to watch surgeries on TV which would gross my mom out, so we aren’t totally squeamish and besides, “gross” things are different when they are happening to people you love.
The day came, on Mother’s Day, when I had to help my dad change his bandages on his feet for the first time. Nothing fulfills my heart more than helping my parents. Being able to be of service to them makes my heart explode with happiness. So I said, “Okay dad, let’s do this.”
Then all of a sudden, images of shedding toes popped into my head. I panicked. So I do what I do best, and act out in super unrelated, unhealthy ways.
“Mom, you’re coming with me.”
“Wait, what? Why? I’m not doing it, you’re doing it.”
“NO, MOM. You are coming in, and you are learning to change his bandages. I am NOT going to tell you again. You get your butt in there with me, I don’t want to repeat myself,” then after I got the chancla out of my head (just kidding, mom is not pro-chancla)…. After I said that, I stomped into my dad’s room to help him.
My mom just stood there, in the living room, and I immediately felt terrible for talking to her like that. Watching your husband’s health decline and deal with physical ailments must not be easy, now you have to deal with your daughter bossing you around like some foot bandage nazi?
I didn’t hear my mom’s footsteps and I got sad.
I situated myself on the floor in front of my dad with a pair of scissors and loads of gauze and ointments and tried my best not to let on that I was nervous because I didn’t want my dad to feel bad about me helping or anything.
Then… then a magical little angel named Mom came into the room, pulled up a chair, and said, “Okay, show me what you’re going to do.”
I sighed, smiled, and had renewed confidence. Suddenly, I knew I could do this. Obviously, this was not rocket science. And if he sheds a toe or two, who cares?
Basically, it turns out, I just wanted my mommy by my side while I did something scary. She was there even though she didn’t want to be, and I did what I had to do. And it was a happily ever after.
After it was all done, I thanked my mom for sitting in there with me while I changed his bandages. Of course, I also apologized for threatening her on Mother’s Day and she just gave me her “OMG this daughter of mine” head-shake-and-smile then gave me a giant hug.
Even though I’m proud of a lot of the progress I’ve made in my life and in my relationships with friends and family, there are still moments of weaknesses when I revert back to old annoying behaviors. It’s embarrassing, and not cute. The difference now is that I know when I’m wrong and I learn to apologize. Luckily, I get to practice on my mom because she’s not allowed to not love me or something.
Do you recognize when your reaction is totally unequal to your current situation? Tell me about it in the comments!