See what I’ve done, that bridge is on fire.

My friend said this very true thing to me the other day, “As alcoholics, we are used to burning bridges. Every time we transition, we are used to leaving this trail of flames behind us and never looking back. We just aren’t used to transitioning and letting things be.”

I’ve had a lot of transitions in my life.
I’ve burned a lot of bridges in my life.

I’m on my 4th step in AA’s 12 Steps and it goes like this:
“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

In AA, we work 12 steps. The 4th step is about putting down all your resentments and seeing that people are just as sick as we are, honestly. We live in a world of humanness so of course we are going to get all ooey-gooey in the filth of our humanity, we sometimes don’t know better. If we knew better, we’d do better. So give others (and yourself) a break.

Anyway, during the 4th step, I had to face some delusions that walked hand-in-hand with my bruised ego. One of my delusions is that to be a real woman, you should have the support of all other women.

My sponsor (someone that leads you through the 12 step work) was quick to point out that Michelle Obama, Oprah, Beyonce, Taylor Swift — they all have groups of women that hate them. Does that keep them from going on and being their fabulous selves? NO. They keep on keepin’ on, man.

Now, as I find myself moving out of my comfort zone and making some pretty big changes in my life, I get a lot of crap about it. From women, primarily.

So, I’m learning to take people’s criticisms and sharp words about my changes with love and affection. It’s not all easy-peasy and like, I want to love everyone. It’s more like, “What did you just say to me?? HUH?? I’m so confused, why are you being mean?” and then I remember, most of the time, people just want the best for you. And if they don’t, there is some sense of envy that they are probably speaking from that makes them uncomfortable.

People + uncomfortableness = chaos

I’m not saying all my decisions are going to be the right ones, I’m not that naive. Sure, it’d be nice to have some support every once in a while from everyone always, but that’s just not reality.

And most importantly, it just doesn’t make me less of a woman if not everyone is on my team, that’s it.

So with that, onward I go, making sure not to light any flames on the way.