Leaving Joshua Tree as I type this. On to a new adventure. Whatever that means.
I like lists. Here’s one as I enter my 34th year of existence.
- For literal God’s sake, Vanessa, spend more time doing things for other people. This is vague because I haven’t listened to God enough to figure out how. But I know He’s been not-so-subtly pointing me in “a” direction.
- Less phone time, more face-to-face time with humans. Especially ones I like and that like me back enough to create space for me.
- Without completely exorcising my optimism and faith in humanity, I will live in the present reality. When you have a disposition like mine, rooted in fantasy and optimism, it’s easy to experience heartbreak when things don’t go as planned. That’s fine, I can deal with a little heartbreak. It’s all the unhatched plans I make on the contingency of that optimism that is frustrating. More real plans, please.
- Continue falling in love with the idea of people all the time, every day, like Jesus said… just make it less focused on the emotionally and legally unavailable.
- Visit a forest, geez.
- Practice honesty with kinder words. Not everyone appreciates blunt transparency like I do. Even though I say honesty with love, when someone is already hurt, all the honesty in love can still sting.
- Or better yet, say nothing at all. I don’t have to talk all. the. time. Listen.
- Travel with people!!! You’d think this would be easy but I really don’t like traveling with people, haha. I am inherently selfish. Sigh. THERE now my secret is out. asifyoudidn’tknow
- Write. Good photography isn’t a substitute for shitty writing.
When I got sober, I felt this awful urge to do ALL THE THINGS AT ONCE because I felt I’d wasted so much time. I didn’t want to waste my time doing anything unimportant because I had this dread that God was going to end my life soon and I was just getting started. It would be his final joke. That is my sense of humor, NOT HIS.
I feel like I have a little more time than I originally expected so I’m going to chill. Relax.
Do unimportant things if they bring joy.