Spiritual growth is painful, guys. But I think I’m finally coming through the other side. At least for now. There’s more to come. With God, there is always more.
Tag: AA
Your love is fearless, help me to be courageous, too.
“The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty.” – Anne Lamott I won’t claim to be an enlightened individual. Mainly because if you’re reading this, you likely know me and could call me out […]
The Biggest Worst “Decision” to get a 3rd DUI
There is no excuse for driving drunk. Let me be clear. For true change to happen, for people to stop being reckless with their own lives at the expense of others, the way we talk […]
I was all covered in sound when you asked me to turn it down…
It’s two o clock on a Friday afternoon and my nose is red. It would be red on a Monday morning, too. Or a Wednesday night. But it’s bothering me more now because I wear […]
This might all be gone tomorrow.
As a child, I think my parents did what parents do and tried to protect me from everything that could harm me. God bless them for trying. Sometimes this preoccupation was so grand, that seeing […]
No, I’m not afraid of hard work/And I did everything I want
I just got done telling God I feel like I’m in line, waiting at the DMV trying to get my license reinstated. Not sure how long I’ll be waiting, not sure if I’ll pass the […]
You must have been looking for me.
It starts in the summer. Just as the weather warms up, the sundresses come out of the closet, a new package of hair ties is purchased to hold my ponytail high and only God knows […]
Birds in nature vs. My thoughts
Not really sure the last time I checked out birds. Not in a poetic and meditative state, but just like — birds. Maybe one got caught in my air conditioner (or so I imagine because […]
We do not seem to be getting to the point.
There is a piece I am supposed to be writing about relationships that is due in three days. Just like my relationships, there have been many starts and stops and questions begging to be answered… […]
Everyone so intimately rearranged.
How do people live without reverence? When I first got sober, I used to laugh at meetings when they’d say something like, “I’d get on my knees” or “I’d hit my knees” (okay, I still […]
Anger is the weapon of the powerless [PART 2]
In the course of the past year, I have gotten angry exactly three times. Angry to the point where my chest tightened, my breath became shallow, and the thought “I would not regret if this […]
Anger is the weapon of the powerless [PART 1]
I used to be afraid of making people angry. Now I know it just meant that I was the one that held the power. Now I know whoever gets mad first has already lost. Now […]
My story is the amazing truth.
Maybe it’s because of my years as a habitual liar and Omitter of Truths, that I have a hard time believing all the things people tell me. Not in an especially critical or cynical way. […]
Looking back at 2019
The song Defender by Rita Springer ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. makes me cry. It started last January when I was in church and I heard the song for the first time. The song interested me because […]
I can’t stop thinking about your goodness
There are over 600 pages of my psychiatric health in my medical records spanning from 2008 to 2018. Here are two pages. This first one photo is from a psychiatrist appointment on September 28, 2017. […]
I have nature and art and poetry, and if that is not enough, what is enough?
-Van Gogh I could walk in 70 degree afternoons forever. And indeed, I tried. Unfortunately, Gladwell’s little legs had trouble keeping up. He let me know when he needed a time out. This he told […]
I’m likely not returning to social media anytime soon.
But I felt compelled to update this here because of the handfuls of panicky people that have reached out and therefore, made me panicky as well. OMG, did I die and I don’t know!? ….No, […]
NaNoWriMo – Day 5
Eek. Didn’t write for two days and I didn’t hit my word count today, But I have untangled a necklace and cleaned my kitchen so… there’s that. Uhh…. my blind deaf dog unsurprisingly cannot climb […]
Day 2 – NaNoWriMo
200 words short but I took a sleeping pill early and can’t write any more traumatic things right now. Ready for sleep, for suuure.
Maybe I was never crazy.
If you weren’t my friend in 2017, that’s good for you. I’d relapsed in all the ways. Everything was wild. Except nothing was, it just seemed that way. The ordinary makes me cry. It’s important […]
No, I’m not lucky but yes, you’re annoying.
One of the most insulting things someone can say to anyone (me) experiencing favorable circumstances is, “Wow, you’re so lucky!” I’ll admit, I’ve dabbled my fair-unChrist-like share of horoscope reading and zodiac sign personality telling. […]
I’ve often tried to hold the sea, the sun, the fields, the tide.
I tell you, love is just a kiss away. Do you think love could change the world? What would that look like? You there, claiming an identity rooted in beliefs that you’ll never change — […]
I want money, power, and glory.
Part I: You are the alpha and the omega. The beginning and the end. Your success is all on you. Your failures maybe, sometimes, too. Maybe the breeze of some butterfly wings fans you with […]
Fire just feeds on fiery deeds.
Everyone is probably sick of listening to stories of Old Drunk Vanessa and her chaos and attempts at redemption. I get it. I, too, am sick of telling these stories. The need to share them […]
Living life as art requires a readiness to forgive.
Living life as art requires a readiness to forgive. – Maya Angelou My heart blooms when I read Maya Angelou. These words joined together first graced my eyeballs when I was a teenager and stuck […]
