Spiritual growth is painful, guys. But I think I’m finally coming through the other side. At least for now. There’s more to come. With God, there is always more.
Tag: sobriety
Break through the walls, beat down the doors, crash through the windows + c o v e r t h e e a r t h
The tattoo on my wrist says CREATE. I got it when I was nine months sober. The little flesh and ink promise that the rest of my life would be spent making good on this […]
Hot like the summer and mean like a child
I packed all of my belongings for the weekend in a pink duffle bag. I always had wanted to be one of those sophisticated women with overnight bags to show that she was planning on […]
I said, “I was born At the bottom of a wishing well”.
NOTE: If you haven’t noticed, I’m posting a lot of old words from prior to 2020. When I got sober, I got in the practice of writing everyday. This doesn’t include my handwritten stuff of […]
Now the only thing a gambler needs is a suitcase and a trunk
I don’t know where to begin so I’ll begin here. I called out of work because I feel like a miserable human being. I’m fat. I’m depressed. I’m ugly. I go to work and sit […]
Do you feel ashamed when you hear my name?
I’m not afraid. I’m going to sit here and type out my fearlessness to show you how unafraid I am. I’m not afraid of my mother finding out. I’m not afraid to attach my name […]
Your love is fearless, help me to be courageous, too.
“The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty.” – Anne Lamott I won’t claim to be an enlightened individual. Mainly because if you’re reading this, you likely know me and could call me out […]
The Biggest Worst “Decision” to get a 3rd DUI
There is no excuse for driving drunk. Let me be clear. For true change to happen, for people to stop being reckless with their own lives at the expense of others, the way we talk […]
It was well-intentioned but bad advice, hell yeah…
If you’ve ever scrolled through social media during the holidays, or like, a worldwide pandemic, you may come across well-meaning friends posting the number for NAMI or Suicide Hotlines.“If just two of my friends will […]
DUI’s + Jail + Insanity
Just realized I hardly ever shared my videos to my blog, which is kinda weird. As I’m revamping the direction of that channel, figured I’d post some of the classics. While I can’t stand watching […]
I was all covered in sound when you asked me to turn it down…
It’s two o clock on a Friday afternoon and my nose is red. It would be red on a Monday morning, too. Or a Wednesday night. But it’s bothering me more now because I wear […]
This might all be gone tomorrow.
As a child, I think my parents did what parents do and tried to protect me from everything that could harm me. God bless them for trying. Sometimes this preoccupation was so grand, that seeing […]
No, I’m not afraid of hard work/And I did everything I want
I just got done telling God I feel like I’m in line, waiting at the DMV trying to get my license reinstated. Not sure how long I’ll be waiting, not sure if I’ll pass the […]
You must have been looking for me.
It starts in the summer. Just as the weather warms up, the sundresses come out of the closet, a new package of hair ties is purchased to hold my ponytail high and only God knows […]
Birds in nature vs. My thoughts
Not really sure the last time I checked out birds. Not in a poetic and meditative state, but just like — birds. Maybe one got caught in my air conditioner (or so I imagine because […]
We do not seem to be getting to the point.
There is a piece I am supposed to be writing about relationships that is due in three days. Just like my relationships, there have been many starts and stops and questions begging to be answered… […]
Everyone so intimately rearranged.
How do people live without reverence? When I first got sober, I used to laugh at meetings when they’d say something like, “I’d get on my knees” or “I’d hit my knees” (okay, I still […]
Anger is the weapon of the powerless [PART 2]
In the course of the past year, I have gotten angry exactly three times. Angry to the point where my chest tightened, my breath became shallow, and the thought “I would not regret if this […]
Anger is the weapon of the powerless [PART 1]
I used to be afraid of making people angry. Now I know it just meant that I was the one that held the power. Now I know whoever gets mad first has already lost. Now […]
My story is the amazing truth.
Maybe it’s because of my years as a habitual liar and Omitter of Truths, that I have a hard time believing all the things people tell me. Not in an especially critical or cynical way. […]
Looking back at 2019
The song Defender by Rita Springer ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. makes me cry. It started last January when I was in church and I heard the song for the first time. The song interested me because […]
I can’t stop thinking about your goodness
There are over 600 pages of my psychiatric health in my medical records spanning from 2008 to 2018. Here are two pages. This first one photo is from a psychiatrist appointment on September 28, 2017. […]
I have nature and art and poetry, and if that is not enough, what is enough?
-Van Gogh I could walk in 70 degree afternoons forever. And indeed, I tried. Unfortunately, Gladwell’s little legs had trouble keeping up. He let me know when he needed a time out. This he told […]
I’m likely not returning to social media anytime soon.
But I felt compelled to update this here because of the handfuls of panicky people that have reached out and therefore, made me panicky as well. OMG, did I die and I don’t know!? ….No, […]
Day 6 – NaNoWriMo
If I’m being completely honest, I’ve spent most of this evening replying to emails instead of writing. I flirted with the idea of just editing the last project I completed in November 2018 and trying […]
